An Open Invitation to Spouses, Partners, Family and Friends

My wife and I have been attending Fresh Hope meetings since last Fall.  We have been married for 39 years and she was first diagnosed with Bi-polar disease approximately 30 years ago.  Like most spouses, I had no idea how to react to the many complications of this mental illness.  I still struggle with this.  Are my responses too harsh or not harsh enough.  Do I let things slide because she has the disease.  Am I supporting her in an appropriate way that is helping her or am I hindering her recovery?

No one has all the answers, however, the group at Fresh Hope has helped me tremendously.  Listening to those afflicted with mood disorders and how their families interact (or don't interact) with them, and hearing their feelings has opened my eyes.  Also, sharing experiences with other "loved ones" and hearing what has worked and what hasn't is priceless.  Unfortunately, not very many spouses or partners attend the Tuesday night meetings. 

Although the primary focus is (and should be) on providing hope to those affected with mood disorders, I would like to invite the spouses, partners, family and friends to come to one of our meetings.  At the beginning of the meeting, after an opening prayer, we all read the tenants of Fresh Hope.  One of the main themes is that of privacy and confidentiality.  There is usually a topic presented by Pastor Brad or the facilitator for the evening.  If the group is big enough, we will then break up into groups.  Normally this would include one group consisting of the people that have been diagnosed with one of the mood disorders and another group including loved ones.  When there is not enough to divide, we will all stay as one group.  

I have found both situations very helpful.  Hearing how other family members have reacted or dealt with the illness of their loved on has helped to give me insight and hopefully I can share my experiences and ideas to help them. 

I'm writing this letter for a couple reasons.  The first one is selfish as I know I can learn from others experiences.  The second is that several of the group have mentioned that they don't feel their spouses understand their mental illness and are not supportive of them.  In some cases, when asked if they have discussed this with them, they say they don't.  They feel that the spouse should just know what they need from them.  Some of them even tell us that they don't want their spouses to come, as they feel this is their special place.  I can only say that this group has helped Cathy and I tremendously and I hope that you will give us a try and perhaps you find the hope, support and friendship that we have.  After all, mental illness of a family member affects the entire family and we all need to have hope.

Best Regards,

Mike Brandon

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